i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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