We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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