make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
