i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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