I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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