i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
