Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm getting married
To pizza
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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