Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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