She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
it glows. i had to have it.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
