Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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