I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
