i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
