Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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