O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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