After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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