End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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