So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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