It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
