your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
ugly people sure do ruin things
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
