yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
