But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
