I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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