Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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