the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
