i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
