Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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