I wish my penis had an off switch
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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