I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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