It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
