MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
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I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
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