I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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