I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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