i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
