if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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