Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Randomize
