Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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