im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
