I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
im six kinds of drunk right now
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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