my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
