So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
