well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Life is so much better after having sex.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
