Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
