She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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