can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
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if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
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Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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