Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
