I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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