I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
