she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
