dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
