If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
