I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
