She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
