my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
