I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
