drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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