absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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