I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
my liver is dry heaving
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
