the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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