If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
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I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
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Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
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