it hurts more in the daytime
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Randomize
