those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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