mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
