you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
