I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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