All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
