I love black thongs
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
