i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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