So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
