so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
