Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
