she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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