Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
