The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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