So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
