nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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